Square Meals
Today, I ate fake-healthy. Real healthy is fruit, vegetables, grains, meat and the like. Fake healthy is what I consumed: for breakfast, an Odwalla bar -I do not know how the hell you spell this, only that it’s one of those “healthy” bars meant for people with no time who want to feel good about themselves in an upwardly-mobile kind of way, and that it’s manufactured by the same friendly people who bring you Odwalla Juice. That being, Coca-cola. Right, so some prefabricated chewy Health Thing. Breakfast.

Then for lunch, I was, well, working through lunch as usual and so I called my colleague who goes to Chic Fil-a like, every single day for lunch, god bless ‘im (hey, it can’t be worse than my proclivity for the Amy’s Natural Bean and Cheese burritos three days out of five). I ask him what he’s getting and he says they have really good salads with grilled chicken and that This is his New Thing. Such salads are not something I’ve ever been especially fond of, but since I’ve been eating Mass Quantities of Crap lately, I said Sure. It can’t hurt to eat a salad for lunch, right? (Riiight?) Only, of course, it was a Fast Food salad, meaning iceberg lettuce with some cherry tomatoes and strips of dry chicken. Although it came with a packet of sunflower seeds, so as I sprinkled those on top, famished, I felt healthy. Fake healthy. Because then I drizzled the accompanying thick, goopy dressing on top. All these ingredients together? Not so good for you.

Then I was hungry all afternoon and at exactly 3:40, said to hell with it and bought a Little Debbie Oatmeal Sandwich cookie from the snack machine. Because, you know, it’s *oatmeal.* Which is so healthy.