So, it’s lunchtime

You’re at work and you haven’t brought anything to eat.

So you think, "I won’t go to the grocery store and buy canned soup, no. I’ll treat myself and go to Einstein’s for a sandwich—No, a salad."

Because you always seem to remember them having good salads.

Memo: Your memory is a faulty, faulty thing. As riddled with holes a sieve, cheesecloth, or the afghan your sister crocheted with you when you were eleven that’s since been attacked by various pets you’ve lived with over the years, the latest animal, an excitable puppy with big, strong, stupid jaws. Your mind is as riddled with holes as the old, mushy lettuce that Einsteins puts in their nasty boxed salads.

Because salads from Einsteins—like most middle-of-the-road five-or-six dollar-for-lunch places, suck. Do you want to pay 5.50 for three inches of so-so lettuce topped with some bland chicken and some cheddar-cheese squares? Is that worth it to you? Is it? Is it?

You think, "I’ll treat myself further and dine on the patio outside the restaurant." And the moment you sit down to your sticky table, perched on your uncomfortable metal chair, your food is inevitably zeroed in on by a cavalcade of the most determined flies in the world. And as you’re sitting there reading about How to Make the Perfect Pot Roast in the crumpled up "Food and Living" section of yesterday’s paper that was the only thing there to read, swishing flies away from your mushy, favorless salad, remind yourself.

For the umpteenth time.

Salads at Einsteins are just not worth it.