Update from Sleepless Land
Woo! It’s now nine in the a.m. and everything’s taken on this sort of off-keel, loopy bent. I have this feeling I may embarrass myself today. I have this feeling I already have but just don’t realize it. I have tripped and fallen while walking up yet another set of stairs, now, and the stain from the coffee I spilled the first time I did this today is much larger than it seemed when I first missed my footing. (See below.) I just walked up that stairwell again and the whole thing smells of moldy French roast and the stain seems to have grown. It’s totally the kind of thing that I should not just leave there. For some reason when first I did it, it seemed like the kind of thing that would magically go away, because this is how Sleepless Logic works. But it’s about to reach the point when so many hours will have passed between spill and clean-up that it’ll be embarrassing to admit to. Okay, pinky swear: I’ll take care of it in a few minutes.


In other news
We get the world’s best faxes here at Small Publication. Best, I tell you. For example, today: “Super Handyman Al Carrell Has Springtime Painting Tips.” Chief among these bullet-pointed Expert Advice Items: “Choose the colors you’ll use. Remember that light colors make the surface look bigger while dark colors make it look smaller.” Ah. Number Two: “The easiest way to figure out how much paint you need is to multiply height times width for the total surface area. This does not account for doors and windows.” (emph. added.) Okay, so if anyone takes on painting a room who does not understand that height x width equals surface area should just put the brush down. Or the roller, I should say—excuse me, Super Handyman Al; that’d be your next big pointer: “Paint can be applied by brush, roller or sprayer. Brushing takes more work...rollers cover smoothly...” (The first ellipses is not mine, but Super Handyman Al’s. No, I don’t know why it’s there.) Oh! So Rollers paint Big. Brushes paint Small.

Best of all, the fax has a number to call to book interviews with the Handyman, himself, so that he can explain fully his Paint Wisdom, abbreviated in this easy-to-remember patented three-point plan that you can whisper under your breath when the paint aisle of Ace just becomes too much for you:

“I pick the paint.”

“Height time width. But not the empty space in the door.”

“Rollers paint big. Brushes paint small.”