This food was supposed to be a party.
Tostitos brand chunky salsa makes me sad. And I’ll avoid coy condescension by making no bones here about what I mean by “sad.” To be clear, I mean: its lame, predictable chunky yet canned and bland tomato-y-ness of flavor makes me feel wistful for what could have been, there, atop my tortilla chip. Especially considering this brand's ubiquity at parties and in the refrigerator doors of friends from whom we are mooching snacks. As a whole, can’t we do better, America?

Thank you.