Today's featured article on Wikipedia, as pointed out to me by friend Marshall, spotlights Stede Bonnet, 18th century marauder of the seas, and possessor of one of the baddassiest names ever given to man. The article also features one of the greatest sentences ever constructed by man: "Because of marital problems, Bonnet turned to piracy in the summer of 1717."


(The version in the full-length article is perhaps even more edifying, if lacking the precise graceful punch of the above: "Because of marital problems, and despite his lack of sailing experience, Bonnet decided to turn to piracy in the summer of 1717." (Emphasis added.)

Things didn't go so well for Stede after that, either. Maybe he just shoulda done what Joe did...