Friday, February 23, 2007

Music for your Secret Balcony
Here’s some: I am completely obsessed with Nina Nastasia’s latest record, On Leaving. As you may already know, I am terrible at describing what music’s like, but I’ll venture a try. Acoustic-y and she has such a beautiful voice; singing these dangerous little stories in which women try to woo back dead husbands or convince lovers to just slow down, feel at all the beauty around them. There’s a yearning and a sadness underpinning it all, as there always must be in any honest look at humanity's regard for mortality. How we always forget and forget. The style of the music itself puts me in mind of a group like the Dirty Three. The recordings make you feel like you’re there in the room the moment this music’s being made and it’s just lovelylovelylovely.

Particular songs: “Why Don’t You Stay Home,” “One Old Woman,” “Bird of Cuzco.” Early false spring here now probably has a hand in my enjoyment. Kind. Real.

I have a secret balcony outside my own apartment. At one time years before I came to Beach Town, my kitchen sink window was no window but a door leading out to this balcony, but now it sits on the roof of the first floor, vacant, a remnant of the time this house was one home instead of seven or so apartments. The only way to really access the secret balcony is to open up my bedroom window real wide and kind of clamber over, which is just what I did late yesterday afternoon.

Went out there with my Rogue brand ukelele and sang and played, terribly, the Silver Jews song “Pretty Eyes.” Mostly, though, I just sat and sat and looked up as the vapor trails of planes filled with people who are strangers to one another, as they criss-crossed across the giant sky. The sky is so enormous, here.
The air smelled of spring and I felt lucky.

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Thursday, February 22, 2007

All Abuzz
Okay, so it’s taken me a while to get to it, but this week I’ve sent a number of essays off to small literary journals for their Kind Consideration. There. I’ve told you. And now you know, Henshaw, that if you don’t hear anything about this from me after this ever again, that I haven’t gotten published. Ah, yes. But that’s fine. ‘Cause life really is one big string of “No” upon “No” upon “I’m Sorry but No,” which is what makes it such a fabulous, sun-drenched moment when you finally get your “Yes.”

So that’s okay.
I’ve sent ‘em out and now I keep expecting to hear back, like, at every second. Which won’t happen. This feels especially paradoxical with the places where you submit your work via email. Rather than this painstaking business with the p.o. and stamps and a SASE and addresses in the right places and having the right names and the right paper without coffee stains on it—Instead of all this, it’s zap, and it’s there right away. Which, unfortunately, doesn’t speed up the turnaround time at all. It’ll still be months and months before I begin getting my “I’m sorry, but” and “Thank you, but” emails and slips in the mail, all delivered to me in envelopes with my own handwriting on the outside. Which is the oddest thing of all.

But again, it’s all right because doing is better than not doing. There’s a buzz in the air among us MFA-ers here in my program. Everyone’s gearing up for the AWP Conference in Atlanta next week, which is this big literary hoo-ha. And right now it feels as if everybody’s working extra hard to try everything out and push ourselves as hard as possible with our writing and everything related to it. We all want to feel like we’re missing zero opportunities, like we’re living the life we intended to lead in our short years here.

I lump myself in with that, but of course I also just can’t wait till I’m back at the Earl in Atlanta with a damn PBR in my hand and my old friends all around.

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Wednesday, February 14, 2007

A tad unsettling.
At the library, they have these desk-carrells that are attached to one another, four in one. When you first go to sit down, you get a quick view of the outline of the carrells from overhead. The damn things are shaped like swastikas.

Thursday, February 01, 2007